Unrequited Love: Death By Dating App


A Modern Disease

I looked into my empty screen for the billionth time in two days.

 

Still no reply…

 

Maybe reception was bad…

 

Maybe he doesn’t like you?

 

Maybe he was abducted by aliens…

 

Less likely than the previous option…

 

He said he was going to be out of town for a family thing over the weekend. I’m sure that’s all it was…

 

I imagined myself with my family…

 

Nope… You would totally be paying attention if he gave you a single ounce of his time for a text…

Matters of the heart have a way of trumping even our most important figures.

There was no logical explanation for it. After a month of study sessions, a brief romantic exchange, and secret meetings when I should have been in lecture. I was hooked, Head over heels for the ideas I daydreamed of. Just when I thought the fruition of my ideals was inevitable, the dinners died down into late night texts, forgotten plans, and fractured promises reinforced by the hope that it was a phase every budding romance encounters. He would see how great I was once he got to know me better… That was when the questions stopped.

 

After beating myself with what ifs at either side of the broadening spectrum of ‘he wants me- he wants me not’ for long enough… I was beginning to realize I was the butt of a bad joke. I was a lazy man’s dream.

 

He never returned my compassionate sentiments and conversations were kept short. Beside our chemistry between the sheets I had nothing to stand on… No reason to continue holding on. Nothing besides the pictures my imagination had thrown into the mix. It was a dirty trick and I wouldn’t feed into the act anymore than I already had.

 

It’s easy to say that when the sun is shining on your bare shoulders, causing strangers to cast smiles into your reflective canvas. Not so much when you are alone, in an apartment fit for a student, late at night, with nothing but the company of your unresponsive cell phone and the thought that usually he texts around this time… Only to realize how pathetic it sounds that you are still awake at midnight the night before an important exam on the off chance that he might think of you and do something about it…

 

I can’t get over it… If he would text me, Just once more, so I could be the one to ignore him… I would at least walk away with a shred of my dignity.

 

Instead, I am here with hot ears and a burning consciousness of the brutal realization that I was nothing more than the swipe of a finger. I had manifested as a picture and I would depart as the temporary appetite suppressant of a lonely man seeking nothing more than a distraction from the negging depth seeking exploration from its container.

 

I watching my finger rest and hold automatically over the iconic flaming app until the trash can appears above. For a single moment I questioned my impulse before dragging and dropping it to its proper place in the trash can.

 

I am more than a pill… I am a lethal dose for anyone seeking little more than a dermal exchange.

 

I smiled into the full length mirror beside my desk. The Pj’s and messy bun before me were enough for now.

 

I placed my phone facedown on the night stand while crawling into bed.

 

I am the only one whose outcome I have a say in.

 

I slid into a hug of sheets.

 

Anyone who wants more will have to work for it the same way I do…

 

Click.

 

I quenched the lamp and pulled the comforter into an all encompassing hug.

 

I love you… 

 

          I love you too…

 

… And drifted into sleep.

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